Mirroring involves reflecting part of what someone says. By doing this, you can help them keep going and think aloud. It's subtle. More gentle than *paraphrasing* or *questioning* because mirroring is focused on discovery and self-understanding *for the speaker* - not your understanding. Not yet, anyway. Paraphrasing and questioning are appropriate when you're trying to reach mutual understanding. When we're creating something with others. But sometimes we don't know what we think yet. There's no *we* or *co-creating* when we're stuck in our heads. We need to be listened to. Listening like this creates what Nancy Kline calls a **Thinking Environment**. Here, talking is thinking, and hearing their words in their voice helps the other person process and analyze - *to think*. You create this environment. You'll mirror when someone pauses or stalls. Avoid interrupting. The idea is to create safety and openness. >[!Quote] *"When we listen, we hear someone into existence." ~ Lori Buchanan* ### How You mirror by: - Repeating the last three words someone says. - Repeating a keyword or phrase. **Do** - Be curious - but be curious in service of the speaker. It's not about you. - Allow pauses when you sense the *wheels are spinning* - help when necessary. - Mirroring is not questioning but may have a rising inflection, *"rising inflection?"* **Don't** - Paraphrase or clarify. - Say, *"what I heard you say is ..."* - Ask questions. ### Example *"We booked some vacation time in March."* "*Oh, vacation!"* is a simple mirroring of the keyword *vacation*. You're making an opening for the speaker and you're not steering the conversation. It's nonjudgemental too. *"Yeah. But I'm worried about work. It's a hard time to be away. But Chris and the kids really wanted to go out west."* "*Worried?* or *"Worried about work?"* As it turns out, the vacation is a concern - not a good thing. Think what you could have missed. You might have focused the conversation on the vacation, never realizing something was amiss. "*Worried?"* briefly mirrors the crucial feeling yet remains open. Again, you want to avoid taking over the conversation with, *"What's wrong?"* or *"Why are you worried?"* ### Lastly 1. Be mindful of conversational flow, and don't parrot by labeling over and over. 2. Pay attention and allow for pauses and silence. 3. Let the conversation move to dialogue when ready. 4. Label emotions when appropriate (see: [[How Labeling Helps Clarify Emotions]] ### Try it It's simple, really. Just repeat a keyword - or the last few words. Try in low-stakes everyday conversations. Let me know what happens. ## Related [[How Labeling Helps Clarify Emotions]] #listening #conversation