Brene Brown suggested, *"Talk to yourself like someone you love."* Great advice. Makes me think, "*How might we listen to ourselves better?"* Better listening makes for better thinking. That kind of listening comes from being present and creating space for creative thought. It creates what Nancy Kline calls a *Thinking Environment.* **Good listening takes work.** - Paying attention - Being present - Withholding judgment **But what about our self-talk?** We tend to - Ignore - Wander - Judge harshly **How about you?** First of all, it's best when we attend to our thoughts with kindness. So, practice being aware that negative self-talk is happening. Let's say your typical negative self-talk is, "I'm incompetent/lazy," or whatever. >[!quote] *"Ah, this is negative self-talk."* It can help to switch up how you address yourself (your personal pronoun). Try "you" instead of "I." >[!quote] *"**You** are hearing negative self-talk. Maybe you're tired - or feeling strong emotions."* - Of course, bad listening shuts down our thinking. It disrupts our flow because we feel judged. - Bad listeners are distracted and interrupt us. - We don't feel heard or feel the "advice" is off base - like we even wanted the advice in the first place. - Mirroring a - Reflecting and Clarifying - Summarizing - Sharing - We know this when dealing with challenges and needing someone to talk to. - We need to "talk it out" or "think aloud." - Good listeners are present and attentive. It's not about them. Our thoughts and words start to flow. - The presence of another person encourages you to "talk it out" or think aloud. - This sort of attention is a great gift. - We need to tend to another's words and feelings. - And support their thinking. - First is to give our undivided attention and not interrupt. - It's hard. But we also need to keep the chatter down in our heads. - It's helpful to mirror and label which helps keep the thinking flowing. - How does this apply to ourselves? - The small shift to "you" or our name can be enough to become a better self-listener. - Key listening skills - Presence - Don't interrupt - Nonjudgmental ## Related #listening #language - [[How Mindfulness Supports Powerful Conversation]] - [[How Labeling Helps Clarify Emotions]] - [[How Mirroring Supports Good Listening]]