Brene Brown suggested, *"Talk to yourself like someone you love."*
Great advice.
Makes me think, "*How might we listen to ourselves better?"*
Better listening makes for better thinking. That kind of listening comes from being present and creating space for creative thought. It creates what Nancy Kline calls a *Thinking Environment.*
**Good listening takes work.**
- Paying attention
- Being present
- Withholding judgment
**But what about our self-talk?** We tend to
- Ignore
- Wander
- Judge harshly
**How about you?**
First of all, it's best when we attend to our thoughts with kindness. So, practice being aware that negative self-talk is happening.
Let's say your typical negative self-talk is, "I'm incompetent/lazy," or whatever.
>[!quote] *"Ah, this is negative self-talk."*
It can help to switch up how you address yourself (your personal pronoun). Try "you" instead of "I."
>[!quote] *"**You** are hearing negative self-talk. Maybe you're tired - or feeling strong emotions."*
- Of course, bad listening shuts down our thinking. It disrupts our flow because we feel judged.
- Bad listeners are distracted and interrupt us.
- We don't feel heard or feel the "advice" is off base - like we even wanted the advice in the first place.
- Mirroring a
- Reflecting and Clarifying
- Summarizing
- Sharing
- We know this when dealing with challenges and needing someone to talk to.
- We need to "talk it out" or "think aloud."
- Good listeners are present and attentive. It's not about them. Our thoughts and words start to flow.
- The presence of another person encourages you to "talk it out" or think aloud.
- This sort of attention is a great gift.
- We need to tend to another's words and feelings.
- And support their thinking.
- First is to give our undivided attention and not interrupt.
- It's hard. But we also need to keep the chatter down in our heads.
- It's helpful to mirror and label which helps keep the thinking flowing.
- How does this apply to ourselves?
- The small shift to "you" or our name can be enough to become a better self-listener.
- Key listening skills
- Presence
- Don't interrupt
- Nonjudgmental
## Related
#listening #language
- [[How Mindfulness Supports Powerful Conversation]]
- [[How Labeling Helps Clarify Emotions]]
- [[How Mirroring Supports Good Listening]]